Don't be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God...

Last summer was such a growing time for me, I spent so much time reading and in prayer, growing closer to God and becoming more and more confident in who I am. I felt like God was preparing me for big things to happen, great things. But shortly after the year started everything fell apart.
This year, I've been in school all summer, I haven't spent alot of time focusing on God or on myself. My life is just flowing along, at a high speed but no so much that it is overwhelming. I have no expectations for the year to come.
I'm starting the year in a completely different mood, a different house, even some different friends. What does life have in store for me now??

These memories seap from my veins...

I was training for the Distress Line all day on Saturday, learning about crisis deescalation and assessing for suicidal ideation... made me think about all the events of my OAC year... it surprises me how I remember some moments with such clarity and the emotions that accompany them are so strong, even 4 years later... I wonder if they will ever fade or if they will be something that I carry with me forever

sleep eludes me...

I feel my heart beat get stronger, my stomach begins to tighten, I toss and turn, and suddenly I'm staring wide eyed at the ceiling and become very aware that sleep is not coming any time soon. Does the late hour break down the barriers in my mind and let things that had been shoved to the unconsiouce seep out... or is my mind just so bored that it needs to find something to occupy its time? I'll be half asleep in front of the computer, but the second my head hits the pillow I'm wide awake. Maybe when this term is over my mind and body will calm down and I can get on a normal schedule again... one can only hope...

Spin me around and close my eyes...

Look down on us from the stars that You hung in the night sky
like millions of shining angels watching over us as we sleep.
Let Your love fall over us like their shimmering light.
Let it make us feel warm and safe and wash away our insecurities and fear.
As we sleep fill our minds with dreams and ambitions
and when we awake give us the courage to chase after them.
May Your love give us power.
You created us with a purpose,
through us You will change the world.
When the load gets too heavey to bear
and we are wandering the earth feeling that we are unloveable,
let us look at the stars and be reminded that
God so loved the world...