In September I was...

Listening... to The Civil Wars... love love love it, please get back together!
Reading... Ragged Company, along with the rest of Waterloo Region for One Book One Community
Watching... fall premiers... loving New Girl, Parenthood, and the final season of How I Met Your Mother
Eating... less grains and sugar, more veggies and protein
Drinking... the first pumpkin spice latte of the year
Wearing... sweaters but refusing to give up my flip flops
Feeling... healthier
Wanting... a new bed because mine keeps falling apart
Needing... love and belonging
Thinking... about cleaning and purging my apartment, but not actually doing it
Enjoying... seeing Waiting for Godot at the Stratford Festival

Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why...

dear God,
how do you bear to watch your babies
in so much pain they pierce their skin
twenty-six puncture wounds
slashes on arms, ribs, legs
toeing the line of a little too much, a little too deep
a mistake they can't come back from

and yet, and yet
even in their desperation
they show up
they care for their wounds
they fight with small acts of resistance
brave and broken
how do you bear to watch

This is no ordinary love...

They love each other fiercely
each holding onto a hope for their friend
that they have lost grasp of for themselves
as they struggle against the demons in their heads

They yearn to see each other living freely
healthy and walking in the light
but each are too lost in their own darkness
to lead the way to safety

They tell us each other's distressing secrets
each hoping that we will know how to intervene
while holding tightly to their own truths
too frightened to risk honesty

But our intercession will not succeed
until they seek hope for themselves
desire to see their own lives filled with light
tell their own secrets and love themselves with ferocity

Until then we can only bear witness
walk beside them with compassion
and pray that they will come to know their worth
through that fierce love

Let's let the stars watch let them stare...

Donald Miller wrote about his belief, "I have hope Jesus is our hope. I have nothing else." This seems like the perfect combination of optimism and uncertainty.

I've come to realize that one of the things I need to keep myself balanced is to regularly read writing that expresses both brokenness and hope. It helps me to remember that I'm not alone in facing the darkness and that I need not get stuck in despair. 

Tonight I went to yoga and then lay out in the back yard stargazing... you can't get much more peace-filled than that.

In August I was...

Listening... to Macklemore live in the pouring rain
Reading... Trauma Stewardship, learning to care for my heart and mind
Watching... all of Orange is the New Black
Eating... healthier, a little bit, maybe
Drinking... club soda with lemon
Wearing... purple in my hair
Feeling... overwhelmed but hopeful
Wanting... better weather
Needing... love and light to triumph over darkness
Thinking... about the future and potential Plan Bs
Enjoying... outdoor concerts, outdoor movies, campfires, and the beach