I feel discouraged
Two people said no to me today when I asked them to be references for grad school
It's awful hard to get in if you can't find people to endorse you as a good candidate
Is this the right path for me or am I just wasting time and money?
Should I even be applying?
I trust that God has a place for me somewhere in September
I just wish I had some hint as to where that was...
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Oh Christmas Tree...
Today I bought my very own Christmas tree.He's just a little guy (only 3 ft tall) but he's all dressed up for Christmas.
Does this mean I'm all growed up now?
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
The pictures that she left behind are just memories of a different life...
I stay up too late
until my eyes are so heavy
that I will fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow
This way I'm not alone in the dark
with sad thoughts
that sneak into my head
even though I'm content
until my eyes are so heavy
that I will fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow
This way I'm not alone in the dark
with sad thoughts
that sneak into my head
even though I'm content
Sunday, November 19, 2006
She sits alone with her silent songs...
Lately, I think about South Africa every day.
In 3 weeks it will have been one year since I borded a plane in Toronto and flew across the ocean
Day in and day out my head is filled with vivid memories
Of people, places, experiences from half way around the world.
The wanderlust has returned.
Only this time I don't know how to cure it
Lack of funds keeps me from running away to someplace exotic
(and I have no OSAP to fall back on this time around)
At this point in my life, its as if I cannot fathom staying in one place for any great length of time
The thought of getting up every day and going to the same job
Doing the same things, for an indefinate amount of time
Makes me feel smothered
In 3 weeks it will have been one year since I borded a plane in Toronto and flew across the ocean
Day in and day out my head is filled with vivid memories
Of people, places, experiences from half way around the world.
The wanderlust has returned.
Only this time I don't know how to cure it
Lack of funds keeps me from running away to someplace exotic
(and I have no OSAP to fall back on this time around)
At this point in my life, its as if I cannot fathom staying in one place for any great length of time
The thought of getting up every day and going to the same job
Doing the same things, for an indefinate amount of time
Makes me feel smothered
People say that if you find the right job
That the idea will no longer be suffocating
But I disagree
Because I adore my job
But I still feel weighed down
By getting up, day after day, going to the same place
Doing the same things
Even though this amazing job, that I love
Offers me as much variety as I want to create
Maybe this feeling is not due to the nature of work
But the fact that I let myself get overloaded
So that every day is work
And no days are just fun
Now that I have quit one of my jobs
We will see if it gets any better
If I feel more free
If I don't
I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my life...
That the idea will no longer be suffocating
But I disagree
Because I adore my job
But I still feel weighed down
By getting up, day after day, going to the same place
Doing the same things
Even though this amazing job, that I love
Offers me as much variety as I want to create
Maybe this feeling is not due to the nature of work
But the fact that I let myself get overloaded
So that every day is work
And no days are just fun
Now that I have quit one of my jobs
We will see if it gets any better
If I feel more free
If I don't
I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my life...
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Be the long awaited answer...
The butterflies in my tummy
Are all atwitter
Over a faint possibility
That is probably nothing
But a hope and a dream
Are all atwitter
Over a faint possibility
That is probably nothing
But a hope and a dream
From the Inside Out...
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
Sunday, October 1, 2006
Thankful...
I love sitting out on my balcony in the night air,
wrapped in a blanket, drinking hot chocolate, listening to the rain fall.
It is a good place to think, to reflect, to pray.
I'm alone in the quite of the night
Alone with my thoughts and prayers
Alone with God.
Tonight I sit
Full of thanks (and of turkey)
Gratitude for all the help and grace extended to me
A dream come to fruition
A 'family' brought together
wrapped in a blanket, drinking hot chocolate, listening to the rain fall.
It is a good place to think, to reflect, to pray.
I'm alone in the quite of the night
Alone with my thoughts and prayers
Alone with God.
Tonight I sit
Full of thanks (and of turkey)
Gratitude for all the help and grace extended to me
A dream come to fruition
A 'family' brought together
Sunday, September 24, 2006
All this seems strange and untrue...
Sorry for the lack of postings here lately, it seems as though my inner dialogue has been more internal than usual resulting in more paper journaling and fewer thoughts written here for the world to see.
Its wierd not being in school. The not going to classes part is fine but I find that I don't know what to do with myself when I have spare time, probably because I'm not used to having spare time. There have always been chapters to be read and papers to be written, things that i should be doing instead of sitting around. But now there is nothing I should do, so I have to figure out what I want to do, because sitting around is getting boring.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the empty space I feel in my heart, the one that I think needs to be filled with relationships. Generally we are taught that God is supposed to fill the hole ("there's a God shaped hole in all of us...") but the bible also said that it was not good for man to be alone... so i can't quite figure out if it is right that I'm looking for another person to make me feel less alone or if I should be able to get what I need from God?
Its wierd not being in school. The not going to classes part is fine but I find that I don't know what to do with myself when I have spare time, probably because I'm not used to having spare time. There have always been chapters to be read and papers to be written, things that i should be doing instead of sitting around. But now there is nothing I should do, so I have to figure out what I want to do, because sitting around is getting boring.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the empty space I feel in my heart, the one that I think needs to be filled with relationships. Generally we are taught that God is supposed to fill the hole ("there's a God shaped hole in all of us...") but the bible also said that it was not good for man to be alone... so i can't quite figure out if it is right that I'm looking for another person to make me feel less alone or if I should be able to get what I need from God?
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