I'm generally not one to spend much time on feminist thought... I'm more likely to be interested in issues of poverty and unequal access to resources than I am in gender inequality... I personally can't think of a time where I've felt as though I have been disadvantaged by being a woman, other than occasional hesitations about walking by myself at night or travelling alone (which I by no means think is an OK state of affairs). However, I noticed something today that made me wonder about more subversive forms of gender inequality, and who is playing a part in it.
Today I was at a training session that was attended by around 30 professionals in the mental health and addictions field. As you might be able to guess, in a room full of social service workers, there were about 22 women and 8 men. At one point we were asked to split up into 5 groups and then within our group appoint a representative to speak for us. Four of the groups had at least one male member and in all four of those groups a male acted as the representative.
As I noticed this I took note of how it had happened in my group. There was one male in my group and when we were instructed to pick a representative he was the first to ask "who wants to talk". When the women in the group all looked around in silence he said, "I'll do it". I pointed out what I noticed to a male friend who had been the representative for his group. He replied, "No one else offered to do it".
In both these instances, he wasn't taking the lead away from the women, they were giving it to him. Why didn't any women take the lead (myself included)? Why did we passively sit by and let the men do the stepping up?
Now, being your group's representative at a small workshop is hardly important in the grand scheme of things, but it made me wonder... if women were giving up their power and influence in this environment (a room full of counsellors is probably the safest place you could dream of for putting yourself out there), what other arenas is this playing out in? And as it plays out in arenas with bigger consequences, what effect is that having on our gender and on the world?
As I work with a population of young women, who regularly give away much bigger parts of themselves than their chance to lead a group, these questions are gaining more and more importance for me. What do we need to build up in our young women in order to empower them to be strong and be seen?
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations -
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life you could save.
-By Mary Oliver
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations -
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life you could save.
-By Mary Oliver
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love...
We all have ways of self-soothing.
Babies can not self-sooth, they are developmentally incapable and rely on their parents to provide the soothing they need. As we grow up the goal is to find appropriate ways to calm ourselves when our emotions threaten to get out of control.
The youth I work with have unhealthy ways of self-soothing. They depend on drugs, alcohol, self harm, and promiscuity. One of the goals of counselling is to help them find healthier ways.
My methods of self-soothing are apparently healthier. My main tactic is watching TV or movies. This week, as I've attempted to give up TV during Lent, I've been forced to find other ways to self-sooth like eating, reading, journalling, or cooking.
But I started to wonder, are these methods really so much healthier than what my clients use when really I should be getting my comfort from God?
Babies can not self-sooth, they are developmentally incapable and rely on their parents to provide the soothing they need. As we grow up the goal is to find appropriate ways to calm ourselves when our emotions threaten to get out of control.
The youth I work with have unhealthy ways of self-soothing. They depend on drugs, alcohol, self harm, and promiscuity. One of the goals of counselling is to help them find healthier ways.
My methods of self-soothing are apparently healthier. My main tactic is watching TV or movies. This week, as I've attempted to give up TV during Lent, I've been forced to find other ways to self-sooth like eating, reading, journalling, or cooking.
But I started to wonder, are these methods really so much healthier than what my clients use when really I should be getting my comfort from God?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
On my bedside table: ROOM by Emma Donoghue
ROOM is told in the voice of 5 year old Jack who lives in an 11x11 room with his mother, a young woman who was kidnapped 7 years ago when she was 19 years old. The idea for the story was triggered by this case.
I stayed up reading this book until 4 am last night! Its been a long time since a story captured me so strongly. Having the story narrated by Jack and exploring a unusual life and major changes in circumstance through his eyes definitely increases the interest level of the story.
However, what really stood out to me is what a great mother he had! It blew my mind how she was able to be so present with him and worked so hard to approximate a normal life through routine and creativity even in the midst of such horrifying circumstances. Although I know this is a fictional story, it created negative feelings in me towards mothers with freedom and access to resources who do not work as hard to create security for their own children. I suppose in the book she had no other priority because Jack was all she had, but shouldn't all children be treated as number one by their parents?
This is definitely a book I recommend :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.
I think we underestimate how difficult change is. A change in circumstance is hard enough, but a change in your being? Its going to take all that you've got.
With the youth I work with, often their parents get frustrated with their lack of follow through but I often want to ask them if they've tried to make any changes lately - lose weight, change your diet, go to bed on time, stop being late - its hard enough as adults to make these changes, try to being a teenager trying to stop using an addictive substance!
I have the ability to pursue an opportunity for change at my job. There are warring instincts within me as I consider this chance... one part that is still a student and gets antsy every four months wishing for a change in semesters and another that fears change and questions my worth and ability in the face of every challenge, one part is ambitious and looking towards my future, the other enjoys the comfort and safety of what is known.
The url for this blog is couragelove, when I was doing my practicum placement I had the saying "Courage my Love" posted on my wall and in my agenda to remind me to be brave and to be kind to myself. Perhaps I need to start reminding myself again...
With the youth I work with, often their parents get frustrated with their lack of follow through but I often want to ask them if they've tried to make any changes lately - lose weight, change your diet, go to bed on time, stop being late - its hard enough as adults to make these changes, try to being a teenager trying to stop using an addictive substance!
I have the ability to pursue an opportunity for change at my job. There are warring instincts within me as I consider this chance... one part that is still a student and gets antsy every four months wishing for a change in semesters and another that fears change and questions my worth and ability in the face of every challenge, one part is ambitious and looking towards my future, the other enjoys the comfort and safety of what is known.
The url for this blog is couragelove, when I was doing my practicum placement I had the saying "Courage my Love" posted on my wall and in my agenda to remind me to be brave and to be kind to myself. Perhaps I need to start reminding myself again...
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
That, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses. -Taylor Caldwell
As this Christmas approached I was having trouble understanding why I should celebrate Jesus’s birth. The work of redemption that began with his arrival is so far from completion, the brokenness in the world still so strong, that Jesus’s birth started to seem like a non-event. The beginning of something that would one day be meaningful, but right now made no real difference.
During Christmas Eve service I began to understand. My favourite Christmas carol, O Holy Night, was being sung and one line stood out to me: Long lay the world in sin and error pining, Till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth.
The soul felt it’s worth.
Yes the world is broken, yes we are wounded, yes we long for mercy... But we have worth. So much worth that God sent his Son to start the work of redemption, so that one day the world will be whole and healed and full of joy.
This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. (Luke 2:12)
Jesus will be a sign to you. A sign that one day “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain” (Rev 21:4). A sign that we are precious to Him. A sign that God is here with us.
But now we wait, a painful anticipation, a longing for the day when things are made right. Until then, we can celebrate Christmas, the sign that was given, the symbol of our worth, the hope of redemption.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices.
During Christmas Eve service I began to understand. My favourite Christmas carol, O Holy Night, was being sung and one line stood out to me: Long lay the world in sin and error pining, Till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth.
The soul felt it’s worth.
Yes the world is broken, yes we are wounded, yes we long for mercy... But we have worth. So much worth that God sent his Son to start the work of redemption, so that one day the world will be whole and healed and full of joy.
This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. (Luke 2:12)
Jesus will be a sign to you. A sign that one day “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain” (Rev 21:4). A sign that we are precious to Him. A sign that God is here with us.
But now we wait, a painful anticipation, a longing for the day when things are made right. Until then, we can celebrate Christmas, the sign that was given, the symbol of our worth, the hope of redemption.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
How are we to live?
I've set my intentions and tried to carry out my plans.
I'm social, I'm resting, I'm working out, I'm eating locally, I'm engaging in productive hobbies...
Yet, my life does not feel full.
Part of me hopes that a new apartment, closer relationships, more activities, a boyfriend, volunteering, etc, will fill it.
But something else stops me
Where is my heart?
I am only moderately connected to these gifts,
and I'm certainly not connected to their Giver.
Once before I opened my heart to marrying what I experienced to what I believed
I tried and it hurt
So now I tiptoe towards the throne room, inhabited by my Creator
and I leave my token offerings at the door.
Not daring to enter and risk having my hope and safety destroyed.
Even though, in the deepest depths,
I know that the destruction has already occurred
And it is only by entering the throne room that the foundation can be rebuilt by the Rock of Salvation
Growing stronger where the cracks had been.
Instead I stick with my illusion.
Telling myself that being in the vicinity of the throne room is enough.
Even though my heart is quietly crying that it is not.
I'm social, I'm resting, I'm working out, I'm eating locally, I'm engaging in productive hobbies...
Yet, my life does not feel full.
Part of me hopes that a new apartment, closer relationships, more activities, a boyfriend, volunteering, etc, will fill it.
But something else stops me
Where is my heart?
I am only moderately connected to these gifts,
and I'm certainly not connected to their Giver.
Once before I opened my heart to marrying what I experienced to what I believed
I tried and it hurt
So now I tiptoe towards the throne room, inhabited by my Creator
and I leave my token offerings at the door.
Not daring to enter and risk having my hope and safety destroyed.
Even though, in the deepest depths,
I know that the destruction has already occurred
And it is only by entering the throne room that the foundation can be rebuilt by the Rock of Salvation
Growing stronger where the cracks had been.
Instead I stick with my illusion.
Telling myself that being in the vicinity of the throne room is enough.
Even though my heart is quietly crying that it is not.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars...
Everything comes together so quickly and so seemingly perfectly
Graduation, new apartment, great job
Then as the newness wears off
and you find your place
you start to ask
is this all of life?
I'm in that existential crisis place again
wondering if this is supposed to fulfill me
or what makes up a fulfilling life
I spend days trying to be present as people bind up their wounds
inflicted by this broken world
wondering how God stood by
and watched it get so broken in the first place
questioning if its really fulfilling trying to fix something
so senselessly damaged
or if the fixing is just as senseless
praying Lord have mercy
Lord have mercy on us
clinging to the faint hope that there is a better way
for the people I encounter
and for myself
Its one thing to believe it
another to figure out what it actually looks like
how am I to live my life?
Graduation, new apartment, great job
Then as the newness wears off
and you find your place
you start to ask
is this all of life?
I'm in that existential crisis place again
wondering if this is supposed to fulfill me
or what makes up a fulfilling life
I spend days trying to be present as people bind up their wounds
inflicted by this broken world
wondering how God stood by
and watched it get so broken in the first place
questioning if its really fulfilling trying to fix something
so senselessly damaged
or if the fixing is just as senseless
praying Lord have mercy
Lord have mercy on us
clinging to the faint hope that there is a better way
for the people I encounter
and for myself
Its one thing to believe it
another to figure out what it actually looks like
how am I to live my life?
Monday, March 1, 2010
I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other...
In her book Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert discusses the idea of place and people having a word that represents them, or the season that they are in. I think that my word for this season of my life is solitude. I crave time alone and honestly enjoy the time I have to myself, puttering around the house, renewing my heart. I've been learning more about introversion and nurturing and honouring that part of myself.
Paradoxically, I've also, by necessity, been more outgoing than usual. Making small talk at the coffee shop, entering into deep conversations in counselling, all with strangers. Likely, it is this need to be outgoing that has increased my need for solitude in the first the place.
I wonder how long this season of my life will last. Has my desire to be a homebody and hang out by myself come as a consequence of getting older? Or as I grow more comfortable with my role as a counsellor will my need for solitude decrease? Only time will tell, and until then I will be here, relishing my solitude.
(quote by Rainer Maria Rilke)
Paradoxically, I've also, by necessity, been more outgoing than usual. Making small talk at the coffee shop, entering into deep conversations in counselling, all with strangers. Likely, it is this need to be outgoing that has increased my need for solitude in the first the place.
I wonder how long this season of my life will last. Has my desire to be a homebody and hang out by myself come as a consequence of getting older? Or as I grow more comfortable with my role as a counsellor will my need for solitude decrease? Only time will tell, and until then I will be here, relishing my solitude.
(quote by Rainer Maria Rilke)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
TRUST
"I hear everyone telling me that they are there for me,
but I can't make myself trust them"
says the seventeen year old sitting in my office
How do you teach someone to trust again?
I pondered this all the way home
My car holds all the secrets and unanswered questions I carry
What I came to realize is that TRUST
[defined as the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability,
or strength of someone or something]
is really just a leap of faith
You will never be able to know without a doubt
That your loved ones will live up to their words
That they will never betray you
That they will protect you and always be there for you
If you believe them and trust their words
You are doing so by faith
You are choosing to believe
Deciding the risk that they might not follow through
Is worth it
So how do you learn to trust again?
Look back at the broken promises
Take lessons from your mistakes
Find the one worth the risk
Close your eyes
Be brave
AND JUMP
but I can't make myself trust them"
says the seventeen year old sitting in my office
How do you teach someone to trust again?
I pondered this all the way home
My car holds all the secrets and unanswered questions I carry
What I came to realize is that TRUST
[defined as the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability,
or strength of someone or something]
is really just a leap of faith
You will never be able to know without a doubt
That your loved ones will live up to their words
That they will never betray you
That they will protect you and always be there for you
If you believe them and trust their words
You are doing so by faith
You are choosing to believe
Deciding the risk that they might not follow through
Is worth it
So how do you learn to trust again?
Look back at the broken promises
Take lessons from your mistakes
Find the one worth the risk
Close your eyes
Be brave
AND JUMP
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