Friday, September 16, 2005

but I never thought that I'd see you again...

So I've been analyzing the events of last night, how could I possibly get from a place where I had said goodbye all the way back to the beginning in a matter of hours... it was as though he'd never hurt me and all those days and months hadn't passed by... it all unraveled before my eyes... its the eyes that did it.
I saw him across the bar, it was unexpected and left me in shock. I stayed away, stood just outside of the circle, talked to other people, avoided catching his eye. Lisa and I went to the bar... "why is he here... what do I do... i can't talk to him"... by the time I got back he was gone, crisis averted, or so I thought.
We move out to the far patio, another friend walks by and I step off to the side to chat, when I turn back he stands before me once again. Caught by surprise and no where to escape I get drawn into the group conversation, my guard is dropped and suddenly we our eyes meet, I smile, he smiles, I know all is lost. Its that look, I love the way he looks at me, its dangerous because it makes me forget.
Another friend, a chance to escape, I leave and when I come back he's gone. Maybe I won't have to see him again, but this time the thought makes me a little sad.
Fast forward about an hour, we are talking again, just the two of us, my hand on his arm, my fingers run through his hair... how did I get here?
And now he is gone again and I am left wondering why my heart is drawn to him who cannot make up his mind. My friends tell me I deserve more.. and i know this... but deep inside I know that if I stand before him and our eyes meet all will be forgotten once again...

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Just when I thought I'd let you go I see you again...

I deleted you from my MSN list yesterday, I decided that it was time that I no longer have to feel my heart skip a beat when I see you come online, you don't deserve to occupy that space in my mind, or in my heart. So I deleted you, hopefully from my life.
Suddenly you are standing in front of me, in the flesh. You are different, your hair has grown out, but your eyes still see through me and make me forget that you made me sad. One look deep into your eyes and all the days and moments before now dissappear and all is forgiven.
As I walk away my head reminds me that you are not what I want, but I know I will only believe that when you are out of sight...
what will it take in order for me to let you go?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Run, as fast as I can to the middle of nowhere, to the middle of my frustrated fears...

So tomorrow I start my last term as an undergrad! I'm excited, the world seems alive with possibilities!
I don't know how I feel about how things are going right now. On one hand I'm so excited about having all my friends back together in one city, Embassy is amazing, I found a really chill job, I feel good about my relationships (except for the lack of a significant boy)... but another part of me feels like: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
How, after such an amazingly relaxed summer, can so much drama unfold in one short week??
I do not want to spend my last term immersed in negativity, I want to see the glass as half full, see all the possibilities and embrace all that life has to offer... help me not to get weighed down by the realities of life