We need You Lord
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I need You like water, like breath, like rain...
All I can say is
We need You Lord
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
We need You Lord
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
You are going to die... But how, my dearest, are you going to live?
I went to the Epiphaneia conference on Restoring Justice that took place at The Meeting House in Oakville on Saturday.
It was an interesting experience for sure, most of what was said by the speakers was nothing I hadn't heard before, what I found more interesting were people's reactions to what was being said. I noticed a generation gap between people around my age and those who could be our parents. I wonder if the different attitude of our generation towards these issues will lead to different results than the legacy the past generation has left us. A mess of a world...
But then I wonder, is it just our attitude that is different or do we have actions to back it up? Its important for us to sit and listen to what people have to say on this topic and discuss these issues with each other... but is that all we do? Is that all I do?
How do I go forward with this knowledge?
Do I sell all I have and go join the Shane Claiborne types in voluntary poverty and radical community?
Do I find a high paying job and give as much as I can away to Opportunity International (www.opportunity.org)?
Do I start buying only products that I can guarantee are fair trade?
Do I give up the comfort I have here and go serve in Africa?
Am I willing to do any of these? And what does it mean if I'm not?
And if I am willing, are any of these actually going to make a change in the world?
"If you claim to have saving faith, but don't do the things the bible says people with saving faith do [feed the hungry, clothe the naked, etc]... you probably don't have saving faith" -Ron Sider
It was an interesting experience for sure, most of what was said by the speakers was nothing I hadn't heard before, what I found more interesting were people's reactions to what was being said. I noticed a generation gap between people around my age and those who could be our parents. I wonder if the different attitude of our generation towards these issues will lead to different results than the legacy the past generation has left us. A mess of a world...
But then I wonder, is it just our attitude that is different or do we have actions to back it up? Its important for us to sit and listen to what people have to say on this topic and discuss these issues with each other... but is that all we do? Is that all I do?
How do I go forward with this knowledge?
Do I sell all I have and go join the Shane Claiborne types in voluntary poverty and radical community?
Do I find a high paying job and give as much as I can away to Opportunity International (www.opportunity.org)?
Do I start buying only products that I can guarantee are fair trade?
Do I give up the comfort I have here and go serve in Africa?
Am I willing to do any of these? And what does it mean if I'm not?
And if I am willing, are any of these actually going to make a change in the world?
"If you claim to have saving faith, but don't do the things the bible says people with saving faith do [feed the hungry, clothe the naked, etc]... you probably don't have saving faith" -Ron Sider
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
The big picture...
"Looking from above, life is a short, often painful, mission, full of occasions to do fruitful work for God's kingdom, and death is the open door that leads into the hall of celebration where the king himself will serve us." -Henri Nouwen
After reading this quote in a Henri Nouwen book this afternoon I asked myself, am I doing fruitful work for God's kingdom?
I thought about it for a minute before I realized... I work for a church.
So I certainly hope that my work is fruitful, meaningful, otherwise what am I doing?
Yet sometimes its hard to see, I lose the big picture.
So somewhere in the back of my mind... I'm still asking the question...
After reading this quote in a Henri Nouwen book this afternoon I asked myself, am I doing fruitful work for God's kingdom?
I thought about it for a minute before I realized... I work for a church.
So I certainly hope that my work is fruitful, meaningful, otherwise what am I doing?
Yet sometimes its hard to see, I lose the big picture.
So somewhere in the back of my mind... I'm still asking the question...
Monday, March 5, 2007
I'm miles from where you are...
I need to stop giving control over my feelings of self worth
to people who don't care enough to be careful with it.
to people who don't care enough to be careful with it.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love...
The last entry in my prayer journal for 2006 reads:
"I pray that this new year would be a time of renewal and growth, especially in my relationships. For the amazing people in my life, even as our lives draw us to different places, I pray that you would knit us together, that we would grow closer and give love and strength to each other through these times of transition. And Father I pray that you would bring new people into my life that will walk this journey beside me and that you would give me wisdom and discernment in choosing who to give my heart to."
"I pray that this new year would be a time of renewal and growth, especially in my relationships. For the amazing people in my life, even as our lives draw us to different places, I pray that you would knit us together, that we would grow closer and give love and strength to each other through these times of transition. And Father I pray that you would bring new people into my life that will walk this journey beside me and that you would give me wisdom and discernment in choosing who to give my heart to."
A few weeks after writing this my heart got terribly hurt, and I wanted to curl up and not let anyone in ever again. I didn't see why I should bother with growing close to people, if those who I had allowed into my innermost self could shut me out and not even care.
But God is faithful, and even though I was rebelling against the thought of intimacy, the friends God put in my life poured themselves out to me and challenged me to do the same.
God, thank you for the amazing people you have put in my life... I pray that you would continue to answer my prayer... and rid me of all but love...
But God is faithful, and even though I was rebelling against the thought of intimacy, the friends God put in my life poured themselves out to me and challenged me to do the same.
God, thank you for the amazing people you have put in my life... I pray that you would continue to answer my prayer... and rid me of all but love...
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love... your face is all wet and your day was rough...
Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know
Your touch restores my life
I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You're all this heart is living for
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know
Your touch restores my life
I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You're all this heart is living for
Monday, January 22, 2007
F*** you and all we've been through...
It has become clear
that you don't give a crap
about me
The feeling of abandonment
is hard to shake
Heal me O Lord
that you don't give a crap
about me
The feeling of abandonment
is hard to shake
Heal me O Lord
Thursday, January 4, 2007
An unexamined life is not worth living...
When I was in second year myself and a bunch of my friends made lists of "30 things to do before I'm 30" (my list only got to 20 for some reason). We were 20 at the time so that gave us 10 years to get through everything. Last night while I wasn't sleeping (me and my screwed up sleep patterns) I suddenly got the urge to pull it out and see how I was doing. Turns out I'm doing pretty well, I was able to cross off 8 of my 20 and I still have 7 years to go!
As for what is left, its interesting to see how my dreams and priorities have changed. Most of the items left on my list range from impossible (its going to be pretty hard to get a position playing in the pit band of a musical after barely touching my sax for the last 4 and a half years, I guess I could count high school for this one), highly unlikely (the amount of travelling I have left on here is going to take a couple years and a lot of money that I don't have), to simply not that important anymore (sure I would still love to do a round the world trip and open a youth center, but I have my whole life ahead of me! What am I going to do if I cram everything into the time before I turn 30?!)
And then there are those 10 blank spaces on the bottom of my list, in the past three years have I dreamed up anything new that I would like to add? Yeah, I can think of a few, but most of the things I want in my life are not so quantifiable that I can do them and cross them off a list. Learning to trust God and follow His will for my life, to practice spiritual discipline, to truly love others... these things are part of a life long journey that will have its ups and its downs. There will be no time when these things are 'achieved' and can be crossed off and moved on from.
Anyways... here is my list in its current form (its only up to 28 but I guess I still have time to come up with two more!). I don't think that I will actually be able do all of them before I'm 30 (especially all the travelling) but you never know!
30 things to do before I'm 30...
1.Graduate with my BA2. See Lifehouse in concert3. Play in the pit band of a musical
4. Live outside of Ontario for at least 1 year
5. Find the perfect dress
6. Go to Europe
7.Go to South Africa8. Open a youth drop-in center
9. Fall in love
10. Get married
11.Wear contacts12. Own a grand piano
13.See Les Miserables14. See a musical on Broadway
15.Get blue highlights16. Paint a picture on a canvas
17. Go on a cruise
18. Go on a round the world trip
19.Wax my eyebrows20. See Rent for a second time21. Take a photography course
22. Get a Masters degree
23. Watch an entire season of a TV show in one day
24. Buy a car
25. Sleep under the stars
26. Make a scrapbook for myself
27. Tithe consistantly
28. Work at a job that fulfills me
As for what is left, its interesting to see how my dreams and priorities have changed. Most of the items left on my list range from impossible (its going to be pretty hard to get a position playing in the pit band of a musical after barely touching my sax for the last 4 and a half years, I guess I could count high school for this one), highly unlikely (the amount of travelling I have left on here is going to take a couple years and a lot of money that I don't have), to simply not that important anymore (sure I would still love to do a round the world trip and open a youth center, but I have my whole life ahead of me! What am I going to do if I cram everything into the time before I turn 30?!)
And then there are those 10 blank spaces on the bottom of my list, in the past three years have I dreamed up anything new that I would like to add? Yeah, I can think of a few, but most of the things I want in my life are not so quantifiable that I can do them and cross them off a list. Learning to trust God and follow His will for my life, to practice spiritual discipline, to truly love others... these things are part of a life long journey that will have its ups and its downs. There will be no time when these things are 'achieved' and can be crossed off and moved on from.
Anyways... here is my list in its current form (its only up to 28 but I guess I still have time to come up with two more!). I don't think that I will actually be able do all of them before I'm 30 (especially all the travelling) but you never know!
30 things to do before I'm 30...
1.
4. Live outside of Ontario for at least 1 year
5. Find the perfect dress
6. Go to Europe
7.
9. Fall in love
10. Get married
11.
13.
15.
17. Go on a cruise
18. Go on a round the world trip
19.
22. Get a Masters degree
23. Watch an entire season of a TV show in one day
24. Buy a car
25. Sleep under the stars
26. Make a scrapbook for myself
27. Tithe consistantly
28. Work at a job that fulfills me
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Hope is coming for the heart that holds on...
The way you love me
gives me hope
that someday
someone as amazing as you
will be in love with me
.
.
.
happy new year everyone!
gives me hope
that someday
someone as amazing as you
will be in love with me
.
.
.
happy new year everyone!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
There's no shame in having to crawl...
Make the Most - Brett Dennen
And in the morning when I rise
one question that feels like the sun in my eyes
am I making the most of this life
so much trouble and so much strife
and in my guilty hour
through all of my shame
when all my love is run sour I have no one else to blame
cause it finds me through the mask I wear and I see it through my eyes closed
but still I cannot bear to stare into my worries and my woes
there’s comfort in self loathing and it’s easy to slip into it
but still I must learn to lead my life with no regrets
time it all moves in the same direction
so don’t let it pass you by
cause it moves so fast there’s no time for perfection
so make the most of this life
make the most of this life
I’ll make the most of this life
make the most of this life
when I fall I fall hard
and I dwell to often in my faults
I must accept it and move on
there’s just no shame in having to crawl
because it finds me through the mask I wear and I see it through my eyes closed
but still I cannot bear to stare into my worries and my woes
there’s comfort in self loathing and it’s easy to slip into it
but still I must learn to lead my life with no regrets
time it all moves in the same direction
so don’t let it pass you by
because it moves so fast there’s no time for perfection
so make the most of this life
oh make the most of this life
I’ll make the most of this life
just make the most of this life
and if you come to me smiling
I will see you shining out from within
such a beautiful grin
falling down on me and freckling my skin
wake I and pour I a cup
wake I and pour I a cup
wake I and pour I a cup of life
And in the morning when I rise
one question that feels like the sun in my eyes
am I making the most of this life
so much trouble and so much strife
and in my guilty hour
through all of my shame
when all my love is run sour I have no one else to blame
cause it finds me through the mask I wear and I see it through my eyes closed
but still I cannot bear to stare into my worries and my woes
there’s comfort in self loathing and it’s easy to slip into it
but still I must learn to lead my life with no regrets
time it all moves in the same direction
so don’t let it pass you by
cause it moves so fast there’s no time for perfection
so make the most of this life
make the most of this life
I’ll make the most of this life
make the most of this life
when I fall I fall hard
and I dwell to often in my faults
I must accept it and move on
there’s just no shame in having to crawl
because it finds me through the mask I wear and I see it through my eyes closed
but still I cannot bear to stare into my worries and my woes
there’s comfort in self loathing and it’s easy to slip into it
but still I must learn to lead my life with no regrets
time it all moves in the same direction
so don’t let it pass you by
because it moves so fast there’s no time for perfection
so make the most of this life
oh make the most of this life
I’ll make the most of this life
just make the most of this life
and if you come to me smiling
I will see you shining out from within
such a beautiful grin
falling down on me and freckling my skin
wake I and pour I a cup
wake I and pour I a cup
wake I and pour I a cup of life
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