Sunday, July 17, 2005

The worlds on fire its more than I can handle...

I just read a story about a ship that sank and 24 people managed to survive on the lifeboat. Unfortunately they were a long way from shore and the lifeboat was only made for 10 and wasn't going to make it if everyone stayed on board. The only crewman who made it onto the lifeboat was put in charge so he had to choose who was going to be left at sea. Miraculously, when they finally got to shore, 12 people had survived. At first they were so thankful to the crewman who had saved them but eventually they began to feel guilty for having survived when so many others parished and they turned on the crewman and charged him with murding those he left behind. He did his best but it wasn't enough...

I'm sure this isn't a true story, but it got me thinking. I've always been a helper, wanting to do things to help/save people. For a long time I think I was avoiding being aware of all that needs fixing in the world, maybe I thought that if I let some of it in I would have to let it all in, and then like that guy in the lifeboat the little bit that I was able to do would never be enough to help all that I could see was wrong.

I see the world for what it is now, I had experiences in my life that I could not ignore, that opened my eyes to all that was around me. Did it overwhelm me like I feared it would? Sometimes... I was watching some of the highlight reel from the Live 8 concerts today and it made me cry many many times, then I watched some TV and cried, read a book and cried some more... the human condition breaks my heart. But sometimes my crying isn't because of the brokeness, I think during the Live 8 concert especially my tears were because of the hope that welled up inside of me when I see people caring and wanting to make a difference.

Its the hope that keeps me going, protects me from being sucked down by the undertow of brokeness... helps me to remember that helping on person, though insignificant on a global scale, makes a difference to that one...

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