Friday, April 21, 2006

Be careful with each other, these fragile flames...

Over dinner the other night, a friend and I both admitted that we feel as though we have become negative people. We both said that in high school we were very cheerful, the kind of person who always had a smile on their face (in fact I can remember being asked more than once if I ever stopped smiling), always had a kind word to say, happy. But now, we felt negative, maybe jaded, that we had lost that perma-smile. While we were both able to assure the other that neither of us came off as a negative person by the worlds standards, the fact that we feel this way probably indicates that some sort of change has taken place.
Is this a change that takes place in everyone? Does the weight of life inevitably harden our hearts, even if its just a little bit? I'm in no way saying that my life has been especially hard or that I'm now a cold hearted person. But, like anyone, I have experienced hurt and dissapointment, I have seen things that frustrated and jaded m heart, and I feel like that has changed the way I react to things and people around me. I'm a little quicker to get frustrated, a little quicker to judge, a little quicker to close myself off, a little quicker to take offence. So I wonder, is there any way to heal the damage done? Am I going to little by little be overcome or can I stand up and fight for my innocence, for the light hearted joy and forgiveness that I long for.
Or was I ever that light hearted? Maybe I was just better at hiding it back then and now my tolerance level is lower and I can't quite keep my negative feelings underwraps. Is it better that I'm now being honest about my feelings? Or does it just reveal that I need to change something in my heart?

"I am convinced that tragedy wants to harden us and that our mission is to never let it."

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