Who raises these men?
These men who dare to take what isn't theirs
who audaciously enter where they have not been invited
who tear at clothes and hearts
who ignore noes and shatter safety
These predators
These pedophiles
Did no one teach them the sacredness of the body, how precious the heart?
How do we teach girls to be strong and courageous
if to keep them safe we have to instill some fear?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
The Post-Student World
We've all had a season of our lives when our identity focused around the role of student. We all live out this role for at least 14 years, I've lived it for 21 years (so far). When it came time to leave school and join the "real world" I was so tired of student life that I could not wait for a job with regular hours and a regular pay cheque. There was a period of adjustment but eventually I got into the groove of being a working girl. However, almost two years out, I'm realizing that there are some patterns of my old student identity that I have not found new patterns to replace.
While in the student world there is a magical measurement of time called a semester. No matter what is going on - how difficult the class is, how much you dislike your teacher - it will end after four months. Every four months you get all new people, new topics of study, a new schedule, basically a new life! Two years later, I still get itchy for a life makeover every four months. However, since I am in a steady job and apartment and friendships its a little hard to get the semester effect. It leaves me feeling a little bit trapped.
As a student I always new what I was working towards, whether it be a grade on an assignment, passing a class, or a diploma. What I was working towards was measurable and I was handed back my work with percentages on it telling me how I did. I always knew specifically where I stood and where I was going. In my job I have the goals of always learning more and doing the best job that I can, but these goals aren't particularly measurable and they are ongoing so will never really be achieved. It leaves me feeling lost and wandering.
So how does one adjust to post-student life? What goals do I set for myself? And how do I motivate myself to achieve them if there is no consequence to simply putting them off until tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow?
While in the student world there is a magical measurement of time called a semester. No matter what is going on - how difficult the class is, how much you dislike your teacher - it will end after four months. Every four months you get all new people, new topics of study, a new schedule, basically a new life! Two years later, I still get itchy for a life makeover every four months. However, since I am in a steady job and apartment and friendships its a little hard to get the semester effect. It leaves me feeling a little bit trapped.
As a student I always new what I was working towards, whether it be a grade on an assignment, passing a class, or a diploma. What I was working towards was measurable and I was handed back my work with percentages on it telling me how I did. I always knew specifically where I stood and where I was going. In my job I have the goals of always learning more and doing the best job that I can, but these goals aren't particularly measurable and they are ongoing so will never really be achieved. It leaves me feeling lost and wandering.
So how does one adjust to post-student life? What goals do I set for myself? And how do I motivate myself to achieve them if there is no consequence to simply putting them off until tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow?
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Imagine
Imagine not being frightened by any feeling. Imagine knowing that nothing will destroy you. That you are beyond any feeling, any state. Bigger than. Vaster than. That there is no reason to use drugs [or any form of escape] because anything a drug could do would pale in comparison to knowing who you are. To what you can understand, live, be, just by being with what presents itself to you in the form of the feelings you have. -Geneen Roth
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Invitation
(by Oriah)
It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.
Life List
Checking in on my 30 things to do before I'm 30 list... I'm a little more than halfway through but only have one and a half years to go... uh oh. Some of these things are almost definitely not happening in the next year and a half and some of them I'm not really interested in anymore (I did write the list 8 years ago, things have changed a little since then)... but its still interesting to see how I've progressed.
30 things to do before I'm 30... (newly completed things are in pink)
1.
2.
3. Play in the pit band of a musical
4. Live outside of Ontario for at least 1 year
6. Go to Europe
7.
8. Open a youth drop-in center
9. Fall in love
10. Get married
11.
12.
13.
15.
16. Paint a picture on a canvas
17. Go on a cruise
18. Go on a round the world trip
19.
20.
21. Take a photography course
25. Sleep under the stars
26. Make a scrapbook for myself
27. Tithe consistantly
28.
29.
30. Write a book
Sunday, September 4, 2011
We are in Desperate Need
Do not hold against us the sins of past generations;
may Your mercy come quickly to meet us,
for we are in desperate need. - Psalm 79:8
This verse has been in my journal, up on my white board, in my heart for the last 10 months.
Earlier this week my boss was talking about generational trauma. Someone experiences a trauma in their youth and does not know how/is unable to deal with it and lives showing symptoms of PTSD/anxiety/depression as a result. They grow up, have children, and their children are then experiencing the trauma of growing up with a parent struggling with mental health.
When the bible says "He punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation” (Exodus 34:7), I don't believe it actually means God is actively punishing the children. I believe it is a warning that in the world He created sinful acts carry consequences that affect our children and our children's children. In asking God to not hold the sin of past generations against us, we are asking God to break that pattern and release the legacy of bondage that we have been born into. Because we are suffering the effects of that legacy, we beg for God's mercy to fall on us. Quickly. For we are desperate for the freedom only God can bring.
may Your mercy come quickly to meet us,
for we are in desperate need. - Psalm 79:8
This verse has been in my journal, up on my white board, in my heart for the last 10 months.
Earlier this week my boss was talking about generational trauma. Someone experiences a trauma in their youth and does not know how/is unable to deal with it and lives showing symptoms of PTSD/anxiety/depression as a result. They grow up, have children, and their children are then experiencing the trauma of growing up with a parent struggling with mental health.
When the bible says "He punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation” (Exodus 34:7), I don't believe it actually means God is actively punishing the children. I believe it is a warning that in the world He created sinful acts carry consequences that affect our children and our children's children. In asking God to not hold the sin of past generations against us, we are asking God to break that pattern and release the legacy of bondage that we have been born into. Because we are suffering the effects of that legacy, we beg for God's mercy to fall on us. Quickly. For we are desperate for the freedom only God can bring.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Safe Space
Recently, I've been having trouble shutting off my mind at night. I worry about friends and the young people I work with. Swirling concern about their safety are loud in my head along with questions as to how I can be a support. One night at yoga, as a lay crying in shavasana, a visualization came to me.
An orchard of trees, bathed in golden light, tended to by a loving God. Beside one of the trees is a locked chest which holds securely all of my worried and racing thoughts. From the strong tree branches hang cocoons in which precious souls are sleeping. They are bundled up among blankets and pillows in an egg shaped structure, bound in soft cotton. A warm light comes from inside the cocoon as their glowing hearts rest. They sleep surrounded in safety, comfort, and unfailing love.
I'm certainly no artist, but this is the best rendering I could create:
If you are one I worry about, you too may find yourself resting here.
An orchard of trees, bathed in golden light, tended to by a loving God. Beside one of the trees is a locked chest which holds securely all of my worried and racing thoughts. From the strong tree branches hang cocoons in which precious souls are sleeping. They are bundled up among blankets and pillows in an egg shaped structure, bound in soft cotton. A warm light comes from inside the cocoon as their glowing hearts rest. They sleep surrounded in safety, comfort, and unfailing love.
I'm certainly no artist, but this is the best rendering I could create:
If you are one I worry about, you too may find yourself resting here.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Rules for Life
One day last week at work we encouraged the youth to think about their rules for life and how they effect the way they live. Having rules to live by guide the choices we make, effect our self-talk, and influence the way we feel and experience life. They are also helpful tools when it comes to decision making. Whatever challenge you are faced with, you can measure it against your rules to see if it will help or hinder your ability to achieve these things and choose the option that will be most helpful on your path.
Since I am someone who struggles with decision making, and believe that I should practice what I preach, I challenged myself to examine my own rules for life. And here is what I came up with so far...
Rules for Life
1. Every human life is created and cherished by God, treat them that way
This means we are all equal and all deserving of love and respect, regardless of life
choices or circumstances.
2. Trust that God is present and aware
I carry with me many questions about why God does or does not intervene in
situations. Despite this, I trust that God sees everything that happens to His children
and is present with them in the circumstances.
3. Always act with integrity
I was thinking about a lot of different concepts that I try to live by - honesty,
trustworthiness, loyalty - but I think the idea of integrity embodies all of these. The
word integrity is derived from the Latin word integritatem, which means wholeness.
Living with integrity creates an inner wholeness that comes from being congruent in
thought, word, feeling, and action.
4. Trust your intuition
This may seem like a hokey concept to some but I've been learning more and more to
trust the things my spirit knows. John 14:16-17 says, "He will give you another
Counsellor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth... you know Him, for He lives
with you and will be in you". My spirit and the Holy Spirit reside together and bring
wisdom that should be trusted.
5. We are created for relationships, so invest in them
Born out of the love of the community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we are
created to be in community. This means that our actions affect the whole of the
human community as we are all connected and that it is of great importance that we
foster and nurture strong relationships.
I'm curious... what are your Rules for Life?
Since I am someone who struggles with decision making, and believe that I should practice what I preach, I challenged myself to examine my own rules for life. And here is what I came up with so far...
Rules for Life
1. Every human life is created and cherished by God, treat them that way
This means we are all equal and all deserving of love and respect, regardless of life
choices or circumstances.
2. Trust that God is present and aware
I carry with me many questions about why God does or does not intervene in
situations. Despite this, I trust that God sees everything that happens to His children
and is present with them in the circumstances.
3. Always act with integrity
I was thinking about a lot of different concepts that I try to live by - honesty,
trustworthiness, loyalty - but I think the idea of integrity embodies all of these. The
word integrity is derived from the Latin word integritatem, which means wholeness.
Living with integrity creates an inner wholeness that comes from being congruent in
thought, word, feeling, and action.
4. Trust your intuition
This may seem like a hokey concept to some but I've been learning more and more to
trust the things my spirit knows. John 14:16-17 says, "He will give you another
Counsellor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth... you know Him, for He lives
with you and will be in you". My spirit and the Holy Spirit reside together and bring
wisdom that should be trusted.
5. We are created for relationships, so invest in them
Born out of the love of the community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we are
created to be in community. This means that our actions affect the whole of the
human community as we are all connected and that it is of great importance that we
foster and nurture strong relationships.
I'm curious... what are your Rules for Life?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Ten Rules for Brilliant Women
(by Tara Sophia Mohr)
It’s time to step up, brilliant women. Here are ten principles for owning your brilliance and bringing it to the world:
1. Make a pact. No one else is going to build the life you want for you. No one else will even be able to completely understand it. The most amazing souls will show up to cheer you on along the way, but this is your game. Make a pact to be in it with yourself for the long haul, as your own supportive friend at every step along the way.
2. Imagine it. What does a knock-the-ball-out-of-the-park life look like for you? What is the career that seems so incredible you think it’s almost criminal to have it? What is the dream you don’t allow yourself to even consider because it seems too unrealistic, frivolous, or insane? Start envisioning it. That’s the beginning of having it.
3. Gasp. Start doing things that make you gasp and get the adrenalin flowing. Ask yourself, “What’s the gasp-level action here?” Your fears and a tough inner critic will chatter in your head. That’s normal, and just fine. When you hear that repetitive, irrational, mean inner critic, name it for what it is, and remember, it’s just a fearful liar, trying to protect you from any real or seeming risks. Go for the gasps and learn how false your inner critic’s narrative really is, and how conquerable your fears.
4. Get a thick skin. If you take risks, sometimes you’ll get a standing ovation, and sometimes, people will throw tomatoes. Can you think of any leader or innovator whom you admire who doesn’t have enthusiastic fans and harsh critics? Get used to wins and losses, praise and pans, getting a call back and being ignored. Work on letting go of needing to be liked and needing to be universally known as “a nice person.”
5. Be an arrogant idiot. Of course I know you won’t, because you never could. But please, just be a little more of an arrogant idiot. You know those guys around the office who share their opinions without thinking, who rally everyone around their big, (often unformed) ideas? Be more like them. Even if just a bit. You can afford to move a few inches in that direction.
6. Question the voice that says “I’m not ready yet.” I know, I know. Because you are so brilliant and have such high standards, you see every way that you could be more qualified. You notice every part of your idea that is not perfected yet. While you are waiting to be ready, gathering more experience, sitting on your ideas, our friends referenced in rule five are being anointed industry visionaries, getting raises, and seeing their ideas come to life in the world. They are no more ready than you, and perhaps less. Jump in the sandbox now, and start playing full out. Find out just how ready you are.
7. Don’t wait for your Oscar. Don’t wait to be praised, anointed, or validated. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission to lead. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to share your voice. No one is going to discover you. (Well, actually, they will, but paradoxically, only after you’ve started boldly and consistently stepping into leadership, sharing your voice, and doing things that scare the hell out of you.)
8. Filter advice. Most brilliant women are humble and open to guidance. We want to gather feedback and advice. Fine, but recognize that some people won’t understand what you are up to (often because you are saying something new and ahead of your time). Some people will find you to be not their cup of tea. Some will feel threatened. Some people will want to do with your idea only what is interesting or helpful to them. So interpret feedback carefully. Test advice and evaluate the results, rather than following it wholesale.
9. Recover and restore. If you start doing the things that make you gasp, doing what you don’t quite feel ready to do, and being more of an arrogant idiot, you are going to be stretching out of our comfort zone–a lot. Regularly do things that feel safe, cozy, and restorative. Vent to friends when you need to. Acknowledge the steps you’ve taken. Watch your tank to see how much risk-taking juice you have available to you. When it’s running low, stop, recover and restore.
10. Let other women know they are brilliant. Let them know what kind of brilliance you see, and why it’s so special. Call them into greater leadership and action. Let them know that they are ready. Watch out for that subtle, probably unconscious thought, “because I had to struggle and suffer on my way up…they should have to too.” Watch out for thinking this will “take” too much time – when the truth is it always has huge, often unexpected returns.
Clear a path by walking it, boldly.
It’s time to step up, brilliant women. Here are ten principles for owning your brilliance and bringing it to the world:
1. Make a pact. No one else is going to build the life you want for you. No one else will even be able to completely understand it. The most amazing souls will show up to cheer you on along the way, but this is your game. Make a pact to be in it with yourself for the long haul, as your own supportive friend at every step along the way.
2. Imagine it. What does a knock-the-ball-out-of-the-park life look like for you? What is the career that seems so incredible you think it’s almost criminal to have it? What is the dream you don’t allow yourself to even consider because it seems too unrealistic, frivolous, or insane? Start envisioning it. That’s the beginning of having it.
3. Gasp. Start doing things that make you gasp and get the adrenalin flowing. Ask yourself, “What’s the gasp-level action here?” Your fears and a tough inner critic will chatter in your head. That’s normal, and just fine. When you hear that repetitive, irrational, mean inner critic, name it for what it is, and remember, it’s just a fearful liar, trying to protect you from any real or seeming risks. Go for the gasps and learn how false your inner critic’s narrative really is, and how conquerable your fears.
4. Get a thick skin. If you take risks, sometimes you’ll get a standing ovation, and sometimes, people will throw tomatoes. Can you think of any leader or innovator whom you admire who doesn’t have enthusiastic fans and harsh critics? Get used to wins and losses, praise and pans, getting a call back and being ignored. Work on letting go of needing to be liked and needing to be universally known as “a nice person.”
5. Be an arrogant idiot. Of course I know you won’t, because you never could. But please, just be a little more of an arrogant idiot. You know those guys around the office who share their opinions without thinking, who rally everyone around their big, (often unformed) ideas? Be more like them. Even if just a bit. You can afford to move a few inches in that direction.
6. Question the voice that says “I’m not ready yet.” I know, I know. Because you are so brilliant and have such high standards, you see every way that you could be more qualified. You notice every part of your idea that is not perfected yet. While you are waiting to be ready, gathering more experience, sitting on your ideas, our friends referenced in rule five are being anointed industry visionaries, getting raises, and seeing their ideas come to life in the world. They are no more ready than you, and perhaps less. Jump in the sandbox now, and start playing full out. Find out just how ready you are.
7. Don’t wait for your Oscar. Don’t wait to be praised, anointed, or validated. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission to lead. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to share your voice. No one is going to discover you. (Well, actually, they will, but paradoxically, only after you’ve started boldly and consistently stepping into leadership, sharing your voice, and doing things that scare the hell out of you.)
8. Filter advice. Most brilliant women are humble and open to guidance. We want to gather feedback and advice. Fine, but recognize that some people won’t understand what you are up to (often because you are saying something new and ahead of your time). Some people will find you to be not their cup of tea. Some will feel threatened. Some people will want to do with your idea only what is interesting or helpful to them. So interpret feedback carefully. Test advice and evaluate the results, rather than following it wholesale.
9. Recover and restore. If you start doing the things that make you gasp, doing what you don’t quite feel ready to do, and being more of an arrogant idiot, you are going to be stretching out of our comfort zone–a lot. Regularly do things that feel safe, cozy, and restorative. Vent to friends when you need to. Acknowledge the steps you’ve taken. Watch your tank to see how much risk-taking juice you have available to you. When it’s running low, stop, recover and restore.
10. Let other women know they are brilliant. Let them know what kind of brilliance you see, and why it’s so special. Call them into greater leadership and action. Let them know that they are ready. Watch out for that subtle, probably unconscious thought, “because I had to struggle and suffer on my way up…they should have to too.” Watch out for thinking this will “take” too much time – when the truth is it always has huge, often unexpected returns.
Clear a path by walking it, boldly.
Monday, June 27, 2011
As I Release You
I pray that you will soar
to great heights on strong wings
but as you leave
I watch you trip and stumble
on your way out the door
I pray for the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
despite my fear of skinned knees,
broken bones, debilitating injury
I pray that you will not be satisfied with ground-dwelling
that you will not allow yourself to be broken or weighed down
that your eyes will stay fixed on the clouds
and you will keep strengthening your wings
and you will one day soar so high
that this place you left from
will be nothing more than a tiny dot
on your horizon
to great heights on strong wings
but as you leave
I watch you trip and stumble
on your way out the door
I pray for the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
despite my fear of skinned knees,
broken bones, debilitating injury
I pray that you will not be satisfied with ground-dwelling
that you will not allow yourself to be broken or weighed down
that your eyes will stay fixed on the clouds
and you will keep strengthening your wings
and you will one day soar so high
that this place you left from
will be nothing more than a tiny dot
on your horizon
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