don't give up

the last piece of the puzzle slides into place
in the shape of a frenzied story told long ago
a memory to which the only response is profanity

the complexity of her ongoing nightmare
leaves us sifting through the rubble of her brokenness
hoping to interpret her gut-wrenching signs of distress

before its too late

The Darkness Will Not Hide Me

This is a test

Do you really believe what you say you believe
When you say you will meet me where I am
Just how deep will you go to reach me before you turn back

How far into the darkness will you walk beside me
While your soul trembles and your heart breaks
What do I have to do before you go away


This is the answer

You can walk away from me but I will not walk away from you
My soul will tremble, my heart will break, and tears will fall
But even while I shake I will stand beside you in the darkness
Illuminating the path that leads to the light
Praying for the chains to be broken
Waiting to hold your hand when you are ready
To take that first brave step 


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If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.                  [Psalm 139:11-12]

Things I would tell you...

• Sometimes you look at where you are and realize that when you choose a path it is to the exclusion of all other paths. Today feels heavy with lives unlived.
• I really wish I got along better with thunderstorms.
• What if the dentist is really a con-artist? Oh I have a tiny cavity that I don't feel and can't see? Sure drill away!
• We are, all of us, light filled. Honour each other's light.

In July I was...

Listening... to leaked songs from the new albums by Sara Bareilles and The Civil Wars
Reading... a tonne of books while on vacation
Watching... the first season of The New Girl all in one day
Eating... s'mores by the campfire
Drinking... coffee, coffee and more coffee
Wearing... sunscreen every day, no sunburns for this girl
Feeling... tired and grateful
Wanting... a longer vacation
Needing... to figure out a new rule of life
Thinking... about sustainability
Enjoying... a week at the cottage with great friends, great food, great weather, and great books

she watched her bridges burn down

were the bridges burned
or were they set ablaze
in a daring act of self preservation?
making a light in the darkness,
enough to guide the path away

she suddenly shows up on our doorstep
like a stray, an orphan
simultaneously guarded and vulnerable
desperate for help and a solid place to rest
but terrified to trust it, to trust us

know that this bridge is fireproof
we celebrate your resilience
and acts of resistance
we will hold your hand
as you grieve over the ashes
and labour beside you
as you begin to create
a new foundation on which to stand

Things I would tell you...

• It only takes a second to go from feeling loved to lonely, that's how you know the loneliness is a lie
• I love doing things and going places on my own, but every time there is an event I wish I had someone to show up beside me
• Brownies made out of healthy ingredients taste healthy, you can't trick yourself
• Baking is good for my soul

In June I was...

Listening... to Macklemore on repeat preparing for the concert at the end of July
Reading... things that are healing. My favourite was Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Melton
Watching... One Tree Hill all over again from the beginning
Eating... home made funnel cakes at work and BBQ steak on my birthday (thanks to my little bro)
Drinking... delicious fruity red wine sangria
Wearing... flip flops only, no more toes suffocating in shoes this season
Feeling... celebrated and loved
Wanting... less raining and humidity
Needing... a check up for my car
Thinking... about my life's work and the future
Enjoying... turning 30!

Carry On Warrior

Show up. Even when you're scared.
Do the next right thing. Even though you're shaking.

Life is really hard. But together we can do hard things.

Life is beautiful and life is brutal.
Life is brutiful, all the time, everyday.

                                                      [Glennon Doyle Melton]

Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you...

I can see her thoughts running away
Despite her efforts to secure them
A look of childlike confusion comes over her face
Betrayed by her own mind

She sits alone drawing
Afraid to go outside
One foot stands firmly in reality
While the other is crossing the line

Into a world that's all her own
A world full of zombies and aliens
Violence surrounds
She cannot find safety

She searches for an anchor
To ground her to what is real
But an inner battle rages
As her sickness whispers lies

crystal

I do not want to see
the images you paint with your confessions
but the eye of the imagination
does not close

I can't stop the vision
of the needle in your arm
chemicals flowing into your veins
allowing you to escape
but stealing your innocence

you are compelled to tell me
every detail of the desecration
while you speak
my soul cries

everything in me
wants the flow of words to stop
but I am here to bear witness
and so I listen